You Think You Know Me

mystery It doesn’t seem like anyone is grasping what has been bothering me for the last few months.

Obviously no one has been up to the tasking of helping me the way I need.

So let me give this one more go.

This is me. This is why I’m so lonely, in so much pain. And why the lack of helping I’m getting is so aggravating.

Lets just go ahead a get this out of the way.

I’ve never had a girlfriend. I have no idea what it is like to go on a date. Kissing, holding hands, completely unknown to me.

Every girl I have ever tried to ask out, was shooting me down before I ever got half way into the question.

The number of girls who have even been nice to me is exceedingly small.

My best friends, people who have known me since we started school, hell everyone who has ever gone to school with me, knows that about me.

They all know that none of them was ever really nice to me during middle and high school.

I’m fairly certain my first outbreak of depression happened when I was in elementary school, lasted less than a day, don’t recall it happening again until years later.

By middle school I had an incredible amount of anger in me, and my classmates excelled at pushing me and trying to bring it out.  People who were even my, so called friends, would get in on it. Taunts, teases, any button pushing they’d do it, intentionally, to see what kind of havoc I could create.

On more than one occasion I damn near pushed over lunch tables with 10 or more people sitting on it. There was a time in High school when Joe Parker started in during a computer lab class, I gave him as solid closeline, he never bothered me again, sadly that is a lesson too many people back then never got.

And thus came 20 years worth of off the chart episodes of depression.

A life time of never having ever truly known happiness, or joy. Heck the last time I was truly happy was my last professional wrestling match which must have been in early 2002.

While everyone else I have known has had girlfriends, some more than they can count, have gotten married, had kids, and otherwise enjoyed good normal lives I haven’t.

I want to feel happy for you all when you post messages about weddings and baby pics, and sonograms, but I don’t. If even briefly I feel miserable when I see that stuff.

I have no idea how to ask a girl out, let alone how to find any that are single. I have no clue about anything relationship related.

I’m nearly 34 years old I am not going to change this without a lot of help. Someone else has got to something to help me or as I’ve been saying for weeks one day I’m going to snap.

I thought my friends would help me, I’ve tried to get my readers to help, I’ve asked and asked and asked, and I’ve gotten absolutely nothing.

In one scene in Captain America: Winter Soldier Black Widow did more to find Capt. a girlfriend then everyone I have every known has done to help me find one.

Some friends.

All I want if for one girl to be nice to me, to like me and I’m getting sick and tired of not having that.

Please help me, because me snapping won’t be pretty.

Nice Guys Finish Last

The saying, and Green Day song, nice guys finish last, is very true.

I’ve been the nice guy and I keep getting nothing.

I ask people for help and I get nothing.

I ask people to help keep the project I was working on with Mike Flynn, before he died, going so we could take down Illinois’ corrupt politicians, and no one gets back to me or Warner(Todd Huston).

I warned you people about Trump, you didn’t listen.

Nothing I do seems to matter or phase anyone.

I’m done trying.

Call it medical leave, sabbatical, hiatus, or something else, I’m done.

I’m not going to bother with any campaigns, I’m not going to bother explaining #NeverTrump, I’m not going to torture myself with Adam Kinzinger’s endless media appearances, I’m not even going to bother talking about my depression or any of my other problems(No Girlfriend).

I’m done.

Good bye.

Thanks for not caring.

In A Mirror, Darkly

I’ll be honest I don’t know what to do.

If you’ve been following along you know whats been bothering me.

I asked my best friends to help me, I asked them for one rather simple thing. This is something I thought friends had no trouble or second thought in doing. I thought wrong. Apparently saying find me a girlfriend, goes right over their heads and makes them develop deer in headlight syndrome.

Girls are a mystery of the universe I’m not going to solve on my own, or ever.

After 20 years of extremely bad depression, its kind of obvious I can’t hide the cracks anymore.

Either this girlfriend thing gets resolved, in my favor, or I’m going to snap.

You do not want to be around me when that happens.

I know more suplexes than Brock Lesner, I know about half as many submission holds as Chris Jericho, and I’ve always wanted to try my hand at something called Japanese strong style.

Yeah finding me a girlfriends a lot better proposition for your sake.

I Was Getting Better

I jinxed myself. I should have just kept quite about having improved.

I didn’t and now I’m as miserable as ever.

This is going to be one long, hot summer.

Apparently I never had friends, I’m not supposed to have to want anything, I shouldn’t have ideas, and I guess I’m not supposed to be me.

Anyone got a cabin out in the middle of nowhere, where’s its spring weather year round?

Rep. Ron Sandack Resigns Suddenly

Ron Sandack

Ron Sandack

Republican state Rep. Ron Sandack resigned suddenly Sunday according to the Daily Herald.

Sandack cited cyber security concerns and his family as the reason for his abrupt departure from the state legislature. Sandack was nearing the end of his second term in the House.

Several days ago some of Sandacks social media accounts vanished.

Sandack was a leading supporter of gay marriage, and of Gov. Rauner’s inside the legislature.

From the Daily Herald:

“It has been a tremendous honor and privilege to serve the people of the 81st district for the past four years in Springfield,” he said in the statement. “But after some cyber security issues arose, I began to re-evaluate my continued public service.”

“I have always recognized there is no greater privilege than being a father and husband,” he said in the statement. “My duties in Springfield has meant missing a lot of events in the lives of my children. I am no longer willing to miss important family events.”

DuPage county Republicans will appoint someone to fill out the remainder of Sandack’s term, this person is also likely to replace Sandack’s name on the November ballot, they will face Democrat Greg Hose.

Sandack is the second Republican lawmaker to resign suddenly in recent weeks. Earlier state Rep. John Anthony, who was the only African-American Republican in the state House, resigned to take a position with the Illinois Department of Corrections. Anthony is a former Sheriff’s deputy. Grundy county board chairman David Welter has already been sworn in to replace Anthony in the legislature.

Depression Update

I know its been a little while since I’ve given you an update on my struggle with depression.

You’ll be happy to know that in the last week and a half to two weeks I’ve actually gotten a ton better.

This thing is like a switch start of May it turned itself on full blast and now it just turned itself way down to a low simmer.

It isn’t completely gone, Monday or Tuesday of this week it tired firing on all cylinders, but I was able to keep the worst of what this depression brings out in my mind at bay.

I’ve known for a long time that I’ll have to live with this problem the rest of my life.

At times that is an extreme challenge.

But I do want those of you who have been sending me kind regards through this that I appreciate it, and it has helped a bit.

Would have, and still do, prefer it if my closets friends would do what I’ve asked of them and help me out with something very specific instead of not doing anything.

But life goes on.

Did Sterling Township Knowingly Hire A Convicted Felon, Whose The Prime Suspect In Missing Township Funds

Matt Howze

Matt Howze

The Dixon Telegraph is reporting on some very troubling news out of Sterling township.

Last month the township reported that an undisclosed amount of money was missing from its youth club.

And it turns out that the leading suspect is a now former township youth program employee with a criminal history of theft and drug abuse.

As the Telegraph reports in August of last year Sterling township hired Carly Robinson to a part-time position. On April 1st of this year she was promoted to working full-time and was the administrative assistant for the townships Center for Youth.  For reasons that township officials won’t explain Robinson was let go June 20th.

According to court records Robinson was convicted of forgery in 2011 and identity theft in 2013, both times she was given probation for the felonies. In 2014 she was charged with theft of more than $500 and April of 2015 Robinson was sent to drug court which put her in jail for 8 days in May of this year for violating the terms of that program. A warrant for her arrest is currently outstanding after Robinson failed to appear for sentencing earlier this month for the 2014 theft case where she was sentenced to 5 years in prison.

Sterling township officials reported the missing youth program funds two days after she left Sterling townships employment.

Sterling township supervisor  Matt Howze has refused to discuss whether he or the township knew of Robinson’s criminal history, nor exactly how and why her employment ended.

However an entry on the township’s website by Howze gives every indication that he and the township knew of Robinson’s criminal history, and explicitly hired her because of it.

From the Dixon Telegraph:

“Sterling Township’s hope is that employers will consider hiring individuals, who for one reason or another, have difficulty becoming employed. … At times, life’s circumstances make securing employment difficult. … We do not advocate that employers hire ‘at-risk’ individuals who are not a fit for their organization, nor do we promote hiring individuals who will be a risk to the day-to-day function of business.

“However, we do promote giving a second chance, especially to those that have earned it.”

Howze goes on to talk about a federal program that insures employers from possible liability and losses when they knowingly hire someone with a criminal record for the first six months of their employment.

It isn’t known if Sterling township used that federal program when it hired Robinson; even if it did given the dates involved it is highly unlikely that it covers the theft of township funds.

If it turns out that Robison was indeed the person who stole the township money, Sterling PD do believe that it was a township employee who stole the money, and if Mr. Howze knowingly hired a convicted thief, then he must resign in disgrace.

Black Lives Matters Twisted Sense of Justice

Rockford BLM protesters demanding justice for Javon Blake

Rockford BLM protesters demanding justice for Javon Blake

Ever since the deaths of Trayvon Martin in Florida and Michael Brown in Ferguson, MO the Black Lives Matter movement has displayed a rather twisted sense and understanding of what justice means.

To the Black Lives Matter crowd George Zimmerman was a cold-blooded murder who deserves to hang in the public square because he killed an unarmed black youth. Nevermind the fact that Zimmerman only fired his weapon, killing Martin, in self-defense as Martin was in the process of bashing Zimmerman’s skull open on a sidewalk.

For Black Lives Matter officer Darrin Wilson similarly killed a young black man, out of bigoted racism, and in cold blood. But facts are a stubborn thing given that Michael Brown had minutes prior to his death committed a strong-armed robbery of a convenience store and that he attacked officer Wilson inside of his squad car and attempted to take his weapon; the fatal shot that stuck Brown didn’t come as he had his hands up saying, “Don’t Shoot” as his accomplice in crime Dorian Johnson had falsely claimed, but as he was charging officer Wilson to attack him further.

To Black Lives Matter the narrative of racism against blacks and other minorities and police brutality are vastly more important than something as pesky as the truth.

This twisted sense of justice and policing has developed into open calls by Black Lives Matter radicals from Chicago to disarmed, disband, and defund police departments and to replace them with self policing “solutions” by minority communities themselves.

Which I guess means letting gangs and drug dealers do their thing without anyone trying to stop/prevent them, or investigating and prosecuting after the fact given that most crime in the nations big cities is committed by minorities against members of their own community.

Stopping the daily black on black crime in Chicago doesn’t matter to BLM, they’d rather hoot and holler, block interstate traffic, and sometimes riot(Ferguson, Baltimore) whenever a “Person of Color” is killed by a police officer or someone whom they perceive to be “white”.

Which brings me to Rockford’s BLM and their calls for “Justice” for Valencia Fresco, aka Javon Blake, who was shot and killed during an altercation with two Metro Enforcement security guards outside of the Rockford Housing Authorities Auburn Manor housing complex on April 16th of this year on his 34th birthday.

from Facebook

from Facebook

For months Rockford BLM activists have been demanding that Winnebago county States Attorney Joe Bruscato not only indict the two security guards but convict them solely based upon the fact that a black man died.

The two security guards appear to have deployed a taser during their confrontation with Fresco at which point he attempted to flee. The security guards have claimed that Fresco was armed.  The Winnebago county corner’s office says that Fresco was drunk at the time of his death.

A month after the shooting Fresco’s family told WIFR:

“My nephew who was executed in the streets of Rockford, Illinois,” said Blake’s aunt Charise Blake. “Left in the street to bleed to death. No one had the common courtesy or decency as a human being. Not just the fact that it was her son, it was somebody’s son. If you want to get answers for the family, go find the names of those officers who did this. They released my nephew’s name, but they refuse to release their names. That’s the kind of justice we want for Javon.”

from Facebook

from Facebook

Instead of letting an investigation play out and allowing police and the States Attorney’s office to go where the evidence led them, Rockford BLM agitators like Star Lasha, insisted that the security guards were guilty of a crime and that they had to be punished.

For months Lasha and others have organized marches and protest around Rockford

From Facebook

From Facebook

demanding that they get their brand of justice, and at their pace.

Earlier this month SA  Bruscato announced a grand jury had approved first degree murder charges against the two security guards, Ryan Bruce Mattingly and Alijon Khalil.  Bruscato says that the guards punched Fresco in the face and choked him as they attempted to handcuff him. They say that Mattingly was the one who fired the fatal shot(s).

Both guards had initial $1 million bonds lowered to $100,000 and both are out of the Winnebago county jail pending trial.

from Facebook

from Facebook

With the recent indictment against the security guards, and a BLM protest in Rockford last weekend over the police shootings in Minnesota and Baton Rouge I attempted to talk with Star Lasha about the case, the activism surrounding Mr. Fresco’s death, and some inflammatory comments she’s made on social media; namely a post saying “F*&% da Police” in the days after the shooting of Mr. Fresco.

After initially agreeing to answer my questions, Ms. Lasha. then declined saying, “Take your questions and shove it #Peace.” After she learned I wasn’t interested in just letting her spout off , but instead wanted to probe her understanding of the legal system, and challenged her on some of her Facebook postings as well as some of the positions Black Lives Matter has taken towards police.

Ms. Lasha openly stated that she did not want people who said or think that “All Lives Matter” should attend last weekends protest at Beattie park in downtown Rockford.

Our legal system is not one run by mob rule.

Mr. Mattingly and Khalil are supposed to be innocent until proven guilty, in a court of law.

Street agitating for their heads isn’t justice, it is tyranny.

No one truly knows what transpired that April night between the two security guards and Mr. Fresca, that is why we have police investigations, forensics, grand juries, and trials, not summary judgements based singularly on the race of those involved. If the facts show this shooting to be justifiable so be it, if the evidence shows they acted recklessly they will suffer the consequences.

If Black Lives Matter wants justice for victims of crime, have witnesses come forward, let the process work itself out, and I don’t know maybe encourage black teens and young adults to not shoot people, resist arrest, rob people, or fight with cops(or security guards).

Do that and the few hundred cases each year of black men killed during encounters with law enforcement will decline.


South New Towne Housing Project Lawsuit Tossed By ‘Bago County Judge

courtEarlier this month a Winnebago county Judge unceremoniously tossed out a lawsuit challenging the Rockford city councils approval of the controversial South New Towne public housing project of the Rockford Housing Authority and Wisconsin based developer Gorman & Company.

Local residents and business owners in the area near Rockford University and State and Alpine roads, have been concerned about the public housing project bring crime to the area and decreasing property values.

The residents suing to stop the building of the 49 unit complex had contended the city council acted inappropriately in approving the project, an approval that was forced on them by the federal Department of Housing and Urban Development, which is still investigating the city over comments some council members made during committee hearings about the project as having violated Fair Housing and Civil Rights standards.

Construction on the project had already started even before the Judge tossed the challenge to the city’s latest Big Dig project.

Kinzinger: Ludicrous For Ted Cruz Not To Endorse Trump During Convention Speech

Rep. Adam Kinzinger

Rep. Adam Kinzinger

Appearing on CNN Thursday Illinois RINO congressman Adam Kinzinger said that it was ludicrous for Ted Cruz not to endorse Donald Trump during his convention speech Wednesday night simply because he was invited to speak at the convention.

Kinzinger said:

If your invited to speak at the convention though you have to endorse him. I mean this is Donald Trump’s convention. He won the primary fair and square and I thin this was, I was blown away. I think it was ludicrous of Ted Cruz to do it and it’s obviously political posturing for whatever comes next.

That’s kinda rich coming from Donald Trump’s biggest critics, and someone who is still holding out endorsing Trump himself.

Hell Kinzinger spent the rest of the interview pointing out the fallacy of Trump’s comments to the New York Times that he wouldn’t help our NATO allies if they are attacked by Russia and his backing of the purge taking place in Turkey this past week following the failed coup d’etat to oust the Islamo-Fascist Erdogan.

Adam Kinzinger, has never been a fan on conservatives or the Tea Party despite claiming to be both to get elected in 2010, and is constantly aligning with the GOPe and House leadership to oppose the Freedom Caucus, and guys like Sen. Cruz and Sen. Rand Paul when they fight for freedom, liberty, limited government, and try to hold Republicans to their promises, like to repeal and defund Obamacare.

Ted Cruz, is a man of principles, a man of conservative convictions, and he did and said exactly the right things Wednesday.

To call him and his speech ludicrous, is well ludicrous.